It's my birthday, yay.

Here I am at 12:30am typing because I couldn't sleep, ugh. It's a real travesty when every moment of shut-eye is sooo precious (due to Baby Butthead's mommy addiction), yet your body will not respond and TAKE ADVANTAGE. Hey body, this is going to suck tomorrow!! Body: screw you, let's think and worry ad nauseum instead!

I am not going to sugar coat this, I am not having a good day/night/early morning (whatever). We had our first "study" small group tonight, and Sam called me from work a couple of hours before to let me know that he would meet me there so he could work late.

??????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sure honey! I'll just make a side dish and corral a high-energy toddler + non-sleeping, needs-constant-holding infant all by myself and still make it to group on time! Awesome! The only way I accomplished this was to have my mom watch Violet and Wright for pretty much 3 hours while I cooked, cleaned up, and got us all ready, etc. I really hate taking advantage of her like that. As grateful as I am, it makes me feel like I can't actually manage my own life.

Then we get there and...it's just hard to do a study with little kids. I've got to juggle papers and Wright on my lap, and half my attention is on Violet in the other room, even though she's being good--how is that fun? Hence why I was not sure it was a good idea for us right now. I'm doing it for Sam because he basically held a shotgun to my head and said I owed him one. I'm thinking at the end of this he owes me a coverstitch machine, hah!

I know I am such a complainer. In the grand scheme of things this is so inconsequential. I hate being so whiny (ugh, now I feel worse).

Anyway, I am 28 today. I get to spend my birthday watching the children while Sam goes to work on stuff at our old house so we can get ready to rent it. Yay.

OOh, I thought of something happy! The Office premier was tonight and there was such a GOOD Pam and Jim thing that went on (y'know, with a ring), and also they made out a bunch, and, yay, romance always cheers me up. Glad I thought of that.

On that note I'm going to try to go back to bed.

Twenty pound blondie on my lap

Ugh, I used to type with Violet on my lap pinching me, now I type with Wright in the Boppy. He is currently flailing around erratically, arching his back as if to stare at the wall--which as far as I can tell is completely blank, but hey, maybe kids really do see the supernatural--and, oh yay, dropping his paci in the dark so I have to get up and turn the light on to see it. Sigh, this one.

Kid, where's your dang paci??

Aha, I found it. Now, seriously, go to sleep, child.

Speaking of "dang," last week I handed Violet her sandwich bag of Cheerios while we were in the car and said, "here's your dang Cheerios." She responded, "no! I don't want my dang Cheerios!" I have taught my child to Christian-swear.

We have been busybusybusy packing up all of our copious cray-ap to a) move to my parents, b) move to our storage unit, or c) get rid of. This is just as complicated as it sounds, that is, provided it sounds complicated to you (you in a general sense). It is also disgustingly sweaty and filled with the sounds of screaming and/or crying and/or whining. Note to self: never move in the Summer, and if possible, avoid having a nursing baby and whiny toddler next time. I'm sure moving is never easy for anyone, but it would sure help me if I didn't have to pause every 5 minutes or so to hold the baby. Such is life, though.

I packed up my books today, which was only difficult mentally. I NEED my books, they are my friends!! As soon as I multiply 35 x 20, I will tell you how many books I had on that particular shelf. Hmm. Okay, only 700! I did save one box to go to my parents, so if you currently utilize my library, it has since shrunk to about 50-ish. A best-of collection, if you will. I am consoling myself with the knowledge that plenty of books come out in the next year while we are there, and I always have the library. I will have plenty of reading material.

I got a little taste of things to come when we went over to drop a bunch of stuff off at my parents this afternoon. I step inside, and it REEKS. I immediately complain loudly and start looking for the source of the smell, while Sam, who had already been inside a couple times whispers in my ear, "I just thought it was maybe your dad." ????????? Seriously, people, this was like dirty-diaper-sitting-in-a-hot-car-all-day nasty, not I-have-smelly-genes off-gassing. We ransacked the house looking for the culprit, and all we could isolate was the hall bathroom toilet/shower-ish area, so we are hoping it's not a faulty plumbing issue. We will figure it out though, and I told Sam that if something bothers him there, he needs to either TELL ME or try to fix it himself. We are not gonna last 6-12 months there if we are just constantly sucking everything up, sheesh.

In slightly more yay news, I am off to watch Gossip Girl right now; so excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Internationality

I don't know about ya'll, but I don't think I've had this much fun watching an Olympics since I was a kid. Amazingly, every event I've watched has been exciting and interesting: gymnastics, swimming, diving, beach volleyball, & track & field. I wish I could have had the time/energy to watch some more of the day events, especially since I've been home, but unfortunately it just never really happened. Many mornings I've spent fending Violet off ("I don't wanna watch dis.") while I caught up on the coverage from the previous night, and between running around and watching 2 kids, it was all I could do to keep up with the prime time stuff. Regardless, it's been fun and poignant in so many ways, and I know that these Beijing games will stick in my memory for a long time. With the closing ceremonies tonight, here's some random thoughts of some of my/Sam's thoughts over the past two weeks:

Russian Athletes
Sam: "Russia. An entire country where everyone's last name ends in `ov'."

Beach Volleyball
I think I'm a little in love with Kerri Walsh. She's so...beautiful. And tall. Can I look like that in a bikini, please? And she has the cutest, warm personality. I love how she referred to Misty May-Traener as, "this girl right here," in an interview. Adore her!

Bela Karolyi
He's been in the USA for close to 30 years now, but he dresses and talks like he came straight off the Soviet bloc yesterday (huh?! Wha'd he say???). Whatever his coaching practices--and I'm sure I wouldn't agree with them--I've enjoyed his enthusiasm and bluntness.

Bob Costas
I have always stood up for Bob, but now I think he might be kind of a d-bag. No matter what your politics, it's just plain rude to spend an entire interview trying to get the President of the United States to insult the host country! Okay, Bob, seriously??!

Swimming
Once again, thank you for existing, male swimmers. Also, your swimsuits are borderline indecent. Okay, they are indecent....YAY!!!

Diving
Our divers. Just. Can't. Get there. Argh. Why can't they just hit all their dives? How come the Chinese don't seem to get enough points taken off for when they do screw up? Ditto on this one for gymnastics!

On another note, am I just overly sensitive, or could anyone else just not shake the homoerotic vibe on the men's synchro diving? The only guys who pulled it off hetero were the Russians, 'cause they just looked so bada$$ no matter what. No way around it, men's synchro diving is just not a straight sport.

Gymnastics
I looked on Jonathon Horton's Wikipedia page, and the dude is freaking 5'1"!! Naomi and I were joking that he's so cute we just want to, to, put'iminourpocket! Well, we actually can.

Tim Dagget seriously needed to stop talking up the Chinese sports system as if it were this wonderful thing, and not institutionalized, well, abuse. Hey, let's take kids away from their families starting at 3 years old and train them full time! Let's screw their heads and bodies up for life! It's all worth it for gold medals to honor the country of China! Blegh. He kept saying that Cheung Fei's parents put her in gymnastics because they hoped for a better life for her, which financially and opportunity-wise I guess she got. But at what cost? She's lived away from her family since she was 7? In an interview with her parents, they said she responds in monosyllabic answers to their questions when they do talk on the phone. She's stoic--gee, I wonder why. I guess as a parent I'm being completely judgemental here, but I just find this appalling.

The Opening/Closing Ceremonies & Venues
Yes, they were amazing, but using up that much money and resources in a country where the average rural citizen lives on $2 a day just made me a little sick. It's monstrously decedant, and the U.S. would never get away with that. Nevertheless, I did very much enjoy the beauty of the ceremonies and the buildings they built, and I'm sure these images will be enduring even after many other Olympics have taken place.

Okay, this post came off a little negative...honest, I really enjoyed the Olympics! I loved seeing us win medals in all the events and all the human interest stories they throw in for us women! (Good job, NBC.) The good and the bad just made it all the more interesting experience.

Here's to more fun (and possibly restraint) in London come 2012!

I'm still in there

This past weekend I got to spend some time over at Naomi's watching home movies with her friend Brenon, an actor, which was awesome for several reasons. We watched some of the silly and creative videos we made with our siblings and cousin when we were younger, and he showed us some of the things he'd acted in and also a few things he made with his siblings. I had a blast watching everything and laughing, and Naomi made really yummy pizza. I left Vi with my mom, and brought Wright with me, so he got to have fun, too. (Where was Sam? In nerd heaven working on his amplifier, of course.)

I really enjoy when I get to do things like this with Noms because I get to hang out with... NON-MARRIED people--or should I say NON-PARENTS. It is so nice to talk to these people. They live in a different world than me and have all sorts of interesting things to say, and I love to hear them. I feel like I get to be me and not just a role--as much as I love my "roles" sometimes I really need a break from all the married/mommy talk!

It's an interesting thing about being a SAHM, because I don't really get to talk to guys very much (hello I'm a Muslim woman!). I mean, don't get me wrong, I really need and love the girl-talk (I honestly would die without it because Sam is suuuch a guy), but it seems like once you're married, the group setting tends to split up into to girls and guys ALL of the time. Sometimes I feel quite the estrogen overload. Let's face it, guys can be so much funnier and laid back than most girls. They also tend to talk about a wider variety of subjects. We girls have the weight of our families on our minds so much that we get too serious and, ugh, dramatic.

I'm not quite sure what the protocol is for mixing up the guys & girls more and/or talking with other peoples' husbands. I always feel like there is a time limit, like, "oop, it's been five minutes, better move on to a girl convo over there..." For the record, anyone is welcome to talk to my husband for any length of time, just ask him about amplifiers, heheh.

Back to my original thought; this is why I love hanging out with my single sis and her single guy and girl friends. I don't have to spin around in my head worrying about any of this crap, I can just relax and enjoy discovering different headspaces...

I waste time

I often say, "I was going to do X, but I didn't have time because (insert excuse)..." The thing is, I really do not have blocks of time--because my children constantly interrupt me--but if I'm completely honest, I DO have SOME time with which I might accomplish, oh, anything. But I don't. I usually just putter around waiting for the next interruption.

Right now it doesn't help that I'm exhausted because my 2nd child, like the 1st, does not sleep due to massive quantities of early teeth coming in. Seriously, five teeth by 6 months? Seriously??? Ugh.

Here are things I should do with my time "pockets:"

- Clean any portion of my house
- Do more laundry, more often
- Come up with a constructive activity for Violet and do it
- Write back to peoples' emails that I have received
- Sew clothing for my family
- Blog

Here is what I actually do:

- Stare off into space catatonically
- Daydream about things I should be doing
- Read magazines (perfect for time pockets due to content length!)
- Read internet gossip, blogs, and Wikipedia entries
- Drool over online shoes, fabric, Old Navy, etc.,
- Talk on the phone

I am convinced that I am going to spend 50% of my life in my head! Sigh.

Up late

It's very late, and the kids are all in bed. The husband, too.

For some reason I am still up. I had to go "re-put" Wright to bed about two hours ago. I felt so exhausted laying there while I nursed him that I felt like I didn't even have the energy to go downstairs and turn off my sewing stuff (machines, iron, and not to mention put away any sharp objects). Nothing like going to and laying in the dark to kill your hobby mojo. I did come back down though, and then proceeded to sit on the couch and mindlessly watch sports highlights on mute with my mouth slightly ajar.

Sam came in and talked to me, but he went to bed, and I wanted to read this interview with Chris Nolan (director of Batman Begins, and The Dark Knight), so I went in here to read it. Then I checked my email. Then I got started drooling over sewing blogs. Instead of actually sewing clothes for my kids, I sit here envying what others seem to accomplish effortlessly. Meanwhile I'm so sleep deprived and sick as this moment that I think I'd sew my finger if I tried. Certainly I'd screw something up. Maybe one day a) my kids will sleep, and b) I will have time & be awake to sew in more than 10 minute increments.

This is my life right now: today I laid on my bed, nursing my cranky, flailing 5 month-old while Violet sucked her thumb behind me. I was desperately trying to keep the baby still with my knee on his hip, one hand holding both his wrists, and the other his head, because if I let go at all he would fly off and get mad, even though he would be the cause! Meanwhile I had to contend first with Violet's feet, then her hands fidgeting with my camisole straps--oh please stop. My bra-pads were soaked. My shirt smelled like breast milk. My bed like spit-up. I hadn't taken a shower yet--hah!--or gotten ready for the day at all even though it must have been after 11am. Snap-shot of my mommy-of-small-children days...

Why am I running backwards?

You may have noticed from my previous post that I sometimes feel that, for no apparent reason, my life is somehow hard to get done. I like to blame this on the fact that I have kids. However, I have noticed that other people who have kids seem to be able to keep their houses clean, have a hobbies, work on the side, etc. Why not me???

See, I have this theory that my kids are super high-maintenance. For instance, Violet. (Need I say more?) Also, my house is boring. And small. And we have no yard. Seriously, if I had a yard, I would totally send Violet out there ALL the time and just watch her from my kitchen window/custom sewing room (natch).

We just got back from spending several days in Ohio visiting friends from college. The place we stayed at had tons & tons of room to run around, a gazillion toys, and not to mention a humongous, grassy yard with a slide, tricycles, etc. I'm not kidding, the yard was so big, Violet kept calling it "the park." She was incredibly happy and ran around the whole time...I don't think she threw one tantrum. Now, I know that if this were her house and she was there all the time, it wouldn't be quite so novel, but seriously, I do believe that space to run off energy is important for a toddler. Otherwise she spends her whole day whining, "Mommy a' holdchoo," and, "I wanna watch (*insert show/movie title here*)." Sigh.

Okay, I'm done complaining for now.