Shrieking coffee

Before I get started with this post, I would like to point out that Glee is so genius for putting a mohawk on a pretty face. So pretty. So mohawk-y. Oh baby, it's Lima Loser all the way! Finn who?

Now that's out of the way, I have a confession to make, and this is hard for me.

*deep breath*

I went through the Starbuck's drive-thru twice in one day.

*sigh*

Obviously I am a weak-willed person, to be justly condemned for my sinful indulgence in sugary caffeinated drinks.

First Drive of Shame

I woke up, stumbled to the bookcase and groped for my Blessed Pink John Deere Travel Mug of Joy. My Celestial Husband places it there for me every morning after he fills it with the Miraculous Nectar of the gods. I felt in vain, not to mention in blur. My eyes completely suck without vision correction. They can generally pick out that glowing pink fuzzangle, though. Not on the bookcase. Not on my nightstand. My dresser. NO COFFEE ANYWHERE. !!!! Then, head smack, I remembered a conversation I had had the previous day with Sam, in which he mentioned that we were...

Dun, dun, dun.

Out of coffee.

Eeek! Place kids in front of Wow, Wow, Wubbzy. Hurredly brush teeth, wash face, etc. Throw on what is probably my dorkiest outfit ever because I need to do laundry. Think, like, ironic pleated khaki shorts that are no longer ironic, and a striped tank top. Because I am from Ohio circa 1998 (sorry, Ohio people, just tellin' it like it was). Pawn Violet off on her Meemah & toss Wright in the car.

Order:

1 Grande Pumpkin Spice Latte (What? I needed comfort. I woke up without coffee! I am sad inside and need corporately manufactered holiday spirit in the form of flavored syrup shots. Sooo sad.)
1 Cinnamon chip scone (Freaking hungry.)
1 Short coffee cup filled with half apple juice, half water (for B.W.)
1 lb. Anniversary Blend coffee beans (No lady, I don't want you to grind it. Blasphemy!)

Total = like, $20+ or something. Sacre bleu, have I ever spent this much at Starbucks? I am officially blaming it on the coffee beans.

Text Sam that I have bought coffee. Receive this text back: I am drinking sh!t. <---do not read if you think fake swearing is taboo. (Later, when I asked him why he used the !, he told me that he wanted to accurately convey his drink's awfulness, but felt that in case I might object to his word choice, the ! made it more kosh. In reality, of course, it just made me LMAO.)

Think to self, "aww, poor Sam didn't even stop at Starbucks for himself, and now he is stuck drinking whatever crap they serve in his cafeteria at work! I shall be a good wife and bring him coffee, to thank him for his daily service & give him comfort as he toils!" (Totally think like that.)

Second Drive of Shame

Order:

1 Grande Pike Place drip coffee with cream (What? He doesn't want fou-fou. The man needs coffee!)
1 Kid sized chocolate milk with ice & whipped cream on top (Had to go pick up Violet since her Meemah urgently needed to visit Sam's Club--an oft-felt urge, TBH.)

Blissfully drive the 20 minutes to Sam's work, high on good-deededness and, frankly, just the plain ol' sugar & caffeine that I am still drinking. Park in visitor lot and call Sam. Drive to one of the other 50,000 parking lots at his work to meet him (I can never remember wherever his latest stupid building is). Field many, many questions from Violet. Like, "do all Daddys work here?" and "If Mommys work here too, where is your parking lot?" and "Yes, you stay home to take care of us, and I take care of Baby Wright. I need to brush his hair."

When Sam steps in the car, hand him his coffee with a triumphant flourish and then sit there for 15 minutes of his "break", in which Wright makes high-pitched screaming noises at the top of his lungs the entire time.

Oh snap. Sugar high wearing off. Drive home while enduring more screaming and chants of "ball! Ball!" *gritting teeth* Wright, I do not see a ball ANYWHERE. So obsessed with balls and screaming.

Put Baby Wright down for his nap, but he is all fidgety and won't sleep. Keeps saying, "ball! Got it! Ah got it, a ball!"

Realize, I don't really like Grande Pumpkin Spice Lattes, and they are definitely not worth $4.10.